The Four Agreements Stupid
If you know who you are, you love you. Not selfish. This love for yourself will be of you in everything you think, say and kill (Be impeccable with your word). So if someone says you`re stupid, or even, if someone praises you for doing well, you won`t take it personally because you know who you are and you love each other. If we have established relationship agreements (regardless of the relationship) that the exchanges are for information purposes in the name of intimacy, not a complaint or a request to repair anything to protect me from the emotional reactions I create myself… That`s impressive. This is a vulnerable intimacy and can go anywhere (no attachment to the result). Where it`s going to go is more truth, especially if the person who hears this sharing can go into his emotional body and find out what`s going on in response to sharing and then share YOUR emotional truth right now. In a way, don Miguel Ruiz`s principles remind me of cognitive behavioral therapy: become aware of negative chords (negative automatic thoughts), replace them with positive thoughts. We become scientists who can notice the dark movements in our minds and redirect them accordingly.
But this approach has its limits, and after decades of popularity, cbT principles are beginning to show their own weaknesses. Perhaps one of the reasons is that much of what we feel and do comes from the unconscious mind, far below reason. We don`t really understand what`s going on in us. As such, there is no guarantee that a new set of positive thoughts and attitudes (“it`s not personal,” “I can choose to listen to that person or not,” “it`s about them, not me”) works, that it`s strong enough to reverse hidden and misunderstood traumas and emotions. Our mind is not an object that we can observe and control cold. And your problems, whatever they may be (anxiety, depression, low self-esteem…) may have nothing to do with taking things in person or not. I realize that it was written a few years ago… and I still have to depart from some of the author`s misunderstandings about wisdom in “The Four Accords.” Note that the beginning of the book on domestication and dreams is an important preface to understanding the power of new chords.